I'm reading

Meta is a story series inspired by a number of different places. It’s about a furry magical academy, and one student learning his place there.

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Eseme
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I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:37 pm

I see that foxes and snakes are a favorite of yours. I'm not surprised to see them again.

I'm intrigued by what Atlantis looks like. It's an iconic setting - I'm curious about your take. I tend to associate Atlantis with Journeyman 3 : The Legend of Time. But that's because the visuals are so pretty.

Thanks for sharing the writing - it's a brave thing to do.

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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:38 pm

Just finished Chapter 3.

Oh dear! That can't be good. Poor Jove. He had such high hopes. I can see why most people take the test in private.

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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:17 pm

I think at this point you've got a lot of exposition here, but I don't see a way to avoid that. You have to explain the world and the setting, and you can't avoid that.

I think the magic test definitely ramped up the tension, and I thought it was cool that Jove's parents tried it too. You tend not to see parents in "magic school" stories, and I'm hoping that Jove continues to stay in touch with his parents.

I was a bit surprised that Jove's parents took the news of magic so well - no real outbursts or anything, and they moved right form "huh?" to "is this a good school"? I can guess why Jove was so willing to believe - you've hinted that he feels different and has always wanted to be able to cast spells (though I still feel that this should be introduced earlier than in the middle of the fight with the wolf/dragon).

I have to admit, I also like seeing competent teachers. Watching the snake figure out what was wrong with Jove and then calm him down was nice.

At this point, you may want to gloss over the questions at dinner (unless more people attack them over dinner or something) and move on to arriving at the school. Keep the momentum going.

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Joshua
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Re: I'm reading

Postby Joshua » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:30 pm

I asked myself how the parents would react, and they ended up being more interesting if they accepted what was happening. As for why they accepted it, their reasons should come out. Although, I think the mother's reason was spelled out fairly clearly. the father's reason will hopefully come out before the end of the first story arc.

The parents are definitely going to show up every so often. And not just at the beginning and end of the school year.

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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Sat Dec 04, 2010 1:08 pm

Good, I like involved parents. They are too often missing from stories. Not everyone is an orphan.

Chapter 5:

This is works for me. I like the emphasis placed on finding alternate means of transport for Jove, due to his Null status. It makes sense, and implies that he's going to continue to have issues or problems because of it.

Chapter 6:

Ah, the traditional magic store! Yours is nice, and I like the sales staff. I also like the way the book works. I'd love that. So very, very much. But sadly my handwriting is terrible! I'm also glad to see that Jove is smart enough to ask the right questions.

Chapter 7:

This is good. Your only problem might be that people will read it and scream "INFODUMP!" I'm not one of those people - I seem to have a higher tolerance for infodumps that most, so I'm not going to be able to tell you if there is too much infodumping in your story. Sorry, but I am just a very curious person, so I like finding things out and this like infodumps. Besides, you can't avoid explaining things to a character who has questions. That's just rude.

Chapter 8:

That is a nice twist. And I like how it ties into what the bear mentioned in the previous chapter, on the history of Nulls (raising children for sacrifice). I also like the way you handled it - Christian is not all magically better.

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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:29 am

Chapter 9:

I do like his roommates. They seem like decent guys.

And I ABSOLUTELY LOVE that last line. Makes me grin.

*ponders getting a “Thinking we can’t play role-playing games because we know magic is like thinking you can’t read romance novels because you can fall in love.” t-shirt*


Chapter 10:

Again, the last bit is just great. Another grin there - quite funny.

I like the various spells, and Tan's helpfulness. Again, he continues to come across as a nice guy.


Chapter 11:

Ooooooo, three cool endings in a row. You're definitely improving on the cliffhanger aspect (something I really dislike, but it seems to be nearly required in online serials). And now we've really got plot! And Jove is starting to learn to use his Null powers. I like the development.

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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Thu Jan 06, 2011 10:43 pm

OK, Revoker : The Forgotten is the most hilarious thing I've read this week. Thanks!

You've got teenage nervousness down pretty good.

Jove's continuing "this all makes sense, I just fit in" thing is weird though. I am sure there is an explanation, but his casual acceptance of everything need to be either a plot device that comes up pretty quick, or it needs to run into something that he can't just accept.

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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:03 pm

I'm liking Chapter 14. Seeing Jove have some doubts and worries is good. He is supremely comfortable with everything, which is odd, and this is a good contrast.

I like Tan. And Chris is an enigma.

Eseme
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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Fri Jan 21, 2011 10:35 pm

Chapter Fifteen made me giggle at the end. I needed that, and your story needed that. Good!

Also, thank you for involved and fairly normal parents. I really like the fact that Jove's parents visit and are involved in his life.

Also, good threat there, to prevent a fight. It shows that Jove can think on his feet.

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Re: I'm reading

Postby Eseme » Sat Jan 29, 2011 2:38 pm

Again, Jove has great parents, and I am glad he knows it.

Ah, the first class, and intros. Fun! And there is always that guy, who doesn't raise his hand.

I am interested that Hypatia did not mention Chris' presence in her class. That is intriguing.


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